Life These Days

I have been avoiding writing this post for some time hoping and waiting for some more positive inspiration. Days and weeks have passed trying to think of something happy and motivating to write and post here. Life has been overall pleasant lately if not fairly uneventful, so why can't I think of something rose-colored to share with the world? Don't get me wrong, I am not moping around dwelling on doom and gloom, crying woe is me. Really, I am not even that sad most of the time. But every few days, when I least expect it I get a little twinge of pain in my heart. Folding up outgrown baby clothes, storing away rockers, bouncers, and car seats that no longer fit my growing boy. In these moments I feel time taking over, reclaiming what it already owns. I miss my tiny little baby, and some days I miss the little babe I never got to meet. Absence fills my soul for fleeting seconds as I let go of the things of days, weeks, and months passed. As I watch myself, and the world, and my baby change at unimaginable speeds. As I remind myself that it is ok to nurse a broken heart. As my big boy stands up only to fall and experience the bitterness of disappointment for the first time. As I realize that I can't always protect him and keep him safe. But never failing, absence is replaced with wonder as a watch my little person learn and grow so quickly each day. Discovering new places, new abilities, and new emotions by the minute he is in constant amazement-and so am I. We learn and grow together, experiencing the world for the first time. It is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking. And the laughter which fills my home also fills my heart as I am afforded the much needed peace of knowing we are not alone. In those moments of sadness and joy, I am reassured that life goes on and although every second is not perfectly happy, every second is worth experiencing and with each second we will grow.