Health Update

I have had lots of questions regarding my health lately, so I thought I would give an update here for anyone interested. I have a hard time sharing about my physical health in general because I don't want to come across as "sick" or needy. It's a weird feeling since I have no problem being completely open about my mental health struggles, but when asked about my physical health I automatically downplay and side step. So here's what's going on (without using the words "I'm fine").

Let's start with some background: I have had three pregnancies in two years. The first, as many know, involved severe hyperemesis gravidarum-extreme nausea and vomiting resulting in serious weight loss and a plethora of other complications. My second pregnancy resulted in an early and emotionally challenging loss. And this pregnancy has come with its own set of challenges. In addition to pregnancy and all of its joys, I also suffer from chronic migraines, anemia, stomach issues, and kidney stones. With this information, we can move on to the most recent update.

Throughout this current pregnancy I have dealt with mild to moderate hyperemesis along with my other more chronic issues-the works. Occasionally due to these issues, or so I thought, I would become very faint and pass out. In the beginning it was written off as dehydration from the vomiting, treated with IV fluids and rest. Around 22 weeks the vomiting stopped completely. It was a beautiful gift. Unfortunately and fortunately at about 24 weeks my fainting episodes became more frequent and concerning. I realized it was a problem when I passed out in the middle of Nordstrom. That was just all kinds of embarrassing. But after a few days and a few more episodes I had an increasing feeling of something being just not quite right. On a sudden impression I decided that I needed to go to the emergency room even though I was relatively ok at that moment. I knew I just needed to go. So I calmly drove myself there and checked in. Well, they don't take passing out lightly in those places so I was seen and tests were started pretty quickly. It was quickly discovered that my heart rate was extremely elevated even while resting. After fainting twice while tests were being run, I was admitted to the hospital where I spent 4 days while doctors tried to stabilize my heart rate. I was blessed to meet with a doctor who specializes in heart rhythms and I was diagnosed with an arrhythmia that can be exacerbated by pregnancy. I was sent home with a heart medicine and a 24 hour heart monitor and strict orders not to do most everyday activities, including but not limited to: climbing stairs, lifting or carrying my one year old, and driving. These limitations have by far been the most challenging part of this whole situation. I am about three weeks into this now and am becoming more stable but am still having occasional episodes of tachycardia, dizziness, and fainting. The hope and the goal is to completely eliminate these episodes before delivery as they can become worse during labor if not managed properly. The good news is that I have some amazing doctors and an even more amazing support network. I am hopeful (most of the time) and very grateful that I am receiving the proper care and treatment. I am also scared a lot of the time. And pretty disappointed that I don't get to give birth in a bathtub anymore. But I know that it is all for the best. I am making it through day by day with tons of help and lots of prayers. Life is never what I expect, but even in the stress and the struggles I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am. So this is where I am. It sucks a lot but I am managing. And even though I am not fine, I know I will be eventually and it's nice to have that to look forward to.

Mama Feelings are Sometimes Pretty Sappy

It's late and I have lots of mushy thoughts, which is how most of my terribly infrequent blog posts begin. So here we go.  My sweet, 14 month old, rock star sleeper woke me up about 30 minutes ago screaming in his crib. The boy who would sleep a night through the apocalypse was wide awake in the middle of the night so heartbreakingly upset it made me want to cry. Cuddles and kisses cured the nightmare in a matter of minutes and my not so little baby was back asleep in no time. But I was left feeling sentimental. How on earth did he get so big? How has time gone so quickly when sometimes the days of motherhood feel long and arduous? Short as this moment of midinght snuggles (and the past year) may have been, my mind was set hoping for the both of us. I hope I am showing him my love to the fullest each day. I hope I am teaching him to be a good person. I hope he grows up to be kind. I hope he remembers that I try my best every day and not how often I lose my patience. I hope he always relies on his mama and daddy for love and support-even in the middle of the night. And as we prepare to grow our love for another little human, I hope he loves her fiercely and will always be her protector, friend, and champion. I am in awe of the love little people are capable of. I know I am getting really sappy, but it really is just so amazing to me. I have all of these hopes for my son and I have so much faith that each and every one will be and are a reality. There is also the reality of temper tantrums, picky eating, learning to share, and nap time, but that is life. We are learning  to take the good with the bad and ride the wave each day. So when my once tiny baby who is now a big toddler wakes me up in the middle of the night needing to know I am there, I will cherish that moment and have all of the over the top mom feelings to go with it. Please always be sweet and pure, my little angel boy (mostly so when you are kicking and screaming because I won't give you my phone I can still remember why I like you so much). Love, your really tired but mostly grateful mama.